I'm only 20 years young, and that's my exact opinion of my age- I'm young, even though I feel much older. I've had my share of finding heartbreaks and real life experiences, and even though I decided to leave my home and move 3,000 miles away at the age of 19- I'm far from ready for anything much more.
Every day I get on FaceBook, there's a new engagement or baby announcement from people I went to school with and are my age. And don't get me wrong, I'm super excited for everyone, but I just can't help but to stop and think, "wow, I couldn't do that right now."
I was reading a post about Hayden Panettiere being pregnant and an interview that they had with her. She was saying that she has heard people talking about motherhood and pregnancy like it was one of the worst things on earth and how people think that it means life is over. She disagreed by saying that being a mother is the most beautiful thing actually and a child or family won't stop you from doing anything.
I must admit that I strongly agree with her. Neither husbands nor children would keep you from doing anything more with your life, but would actually be quite the opposite. If you marry the right person, they are going to be as big a support system as your parents, and they will want you to reach all your goals, help as much as they can, encourage you when your feeling negative, and be there all along the way. And any child you have is going to want their mother or father to be awesomely successful. Yes, of course there are going to be moments where they want you to be there all day everyday, but they will grow and realize how proud they are of you. It's all due to love, and there's nothing like the love between a spouse and a your children.
With that being said, I've been single now for two years. I spent a lot of time with a guy before I moved and I still think the world of him. I was afraid to be anything real with him knowing that I was moving because I was afraid of getting hurt or hurting myself. But since moving to California, I have been out with only two guys and I'm not in the least bit ashamed about it. I've had my moments where I questioned why I've been alone. But a couple months back, a girl I met at church prophesied over me, and I've thought about what she said every single day. I've never been prophesied over, and frankly didn't even know how to feel about it, but something inside of me felt a real connection with the words she spoke and I've felt better ever since about not dating and being alone.
At the end of church, she grabbed my hand and said, "I hope you don't mind, but when I met you, I had the feeling I needed to be praying for you. I wasn't really sure what for, but I have been throughout this service. And do you mind if I share something with you?"
"Of course I don't mind."
"From what God has told me, when you were back home you always kind of had a boyfriend of some sort right?"
"...Yes..."
"And now you've come to California and you haven't really had anybody like that, right?"
"Right, I've been out with two guys..."
"God wants you to know that he loves you and you're not alone, even if you feel that way sometimes. God brought you out here to learn to depend on him, and him only. California is the metaphorical "desert" here and he's put you in this "drought" of no guys to learn that no human can help you or be there for you like God can. There's a message in Hosea that tells the story. Even though the story is about a prostitute, this is what he wants you to realize.
Hosea 2:14-23
And now, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to start all over again.
I'm taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets or roses. I'll turn Heartbreak Valley in Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
"At that time"- this is God's message still- "you'll address me, 'Dear husband!'
Never again will you address me, 'My slave-master!'
I'll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again.
At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you and wild animals and birds and reptiles,
And get rid of all weapons of war, think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies!
And then I'll marry you for good- forever! I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness.
Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go.
You'll know me, God, for who I really am.
On the very same day, I'll answer"- this is God's message-
"I'll answer the sky, sky will answer earth,
Earth will answer grain and wine and olive oil, and they'll all answer Jezreel.
I'll plant her in the good earth.
I'll have mercy on No-Mercy.
I'll say to Nobody, 'You're my dear Somebody,' and he'll say 'You're my God!' "
(The Message Bible translation)
I can't come up with a conclusion for this blog because that scripture says it all. I'm forever grateful for the things God has put me through, the people he has surrounded me with, and the blessings he continues to give me.
I've made the best friends a girl could ask for and lucky enough to serve with them every week at church. All I can hope is that everyone figures out how not alone they are and they embrace the love of God and that they find friends like mine.
XOXO
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
Hebrews 6:19
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